Why Love Matters
by Fr333bird
Summary: Arthur needs help overcoming issues with physical intimacy in order to clinch a business deal with demonstrative Italians. Merlin, his assistant, suggests that he attends a 'cuddle workshop' to get him over his fears. Adult content eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This was written for a prompt on the Merlin Kink-meme over on Live Journal. I should be updating frequently as the story is complete already, it's just being betaed in chunks for me by the lovely Mamdi. There are nine short chapters in total.**

**The title of this fic is borrowed from a very interesting book by Sue Gerhardt. It's all about the importance of human touch, especially in relation to parenting, and how our early experiences affect our development. As the fic progresses you'll see why this seemed appropriate.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I just borrow them and make them cuddle.**

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><p>Arthur <em>was<em> listening to his father, really. But he was a little distracted – again – by his PA's lips as they closed tantalisingly around the end of his pen.

_Damn_. Arthur shifted in his seat. What the hell was it about Merlin's lips that constantly drew his eye? It was most inconvenient. Mercifully his young assistant seemed oblivious to the effect he had on his boss.

"So, Arthur," Uther's voice cut through his drifting train of thoughts. "You'll be coming with me to Naples at the end of the month when we go to finalise the arrangements with Kilgari."

Arthur snapped his head up to meet his father's stern, grey gaze. He nodded, not showing his surprise. "Yes, of course. If you think I'm ready for that."

Uther's grey eyes softened fractionally. "I'm quite sure that you are, and you have three weeks to prepare. I have every confidence in your ability and it will be an excellent learning experience for you."

Arthur nodded curtly but the flush of warmth at the rare show of approval from his father threatened to make his face split with an unprofessional grin. He schooled his features into an appropriate half smile. "Thank you. I'll do my best."

"Right," Uther waved his dismissal to the team who were gathered in the boardroom at Pendragon Enterprises. "Thank you everyone."

People started to drift away. Arthur closed his laptop and collected his notes. He stood to leave but was stopped by the sound of his father's voice.

"Arthur, I need a private word with you. Can you join me in my office?"

Arthur frowned slightly. Merlin caught his eye and his full, pink lips twitched in a grin of sympathy. Merlin had worked for Arthur long enough to know that Arthur didn't always find his father easy to deal with. Uther Pendragon was formidable, and the need for a private word didn't usually bode well.

Arthur followed his father as he swept regally into his office. He closed the door behind them and turned to face Uther who sat in his high-backed leather chair as though it was a throne. He gestured for Arthur to sit.

Arthur's previous feeling of pride was replaced by one of foreboding when he saw Uther's concerned expression. His father had a remarkable knack of making Arthur feel that he was never quite good enough, never quite the man that Uther wanted him to be.

"This deal with Kilgari is crucial." Uther's grey eyes were intent and serious. "I know that you're more than capable of handling the financial side of things for this deal. But I'm concerned that the social side will be a challenge for you when we get out to Naples." Arthur frowned, not understanding, but Uther continued. "Kilgari, like Pendragon Enterprises, are a family business. Roberto Kilgari likes to do business with people that he trusts and has a connection with. On my last visit to Naples he and his wife, Elena, insisted on taking me out to many social gatherings. They treated me as a friend as well as a potential business partner."

"Okay," Arthur nodded. "That's not a problem, father. I can be very charming when I try."

"I have no doubt of that, Arthur. But what you need to be prepared for is how physically demonstrative the Italians are." Uther raised his eyebrows.

_Oh_. The penny dropped and his father's concern suddenly made sense. Of course. "Um... okay," Arthur tried to look calm, but he was already freaking out on the inside and he was only _thinking_ about being hugged.

"In Italy, in the south of the country particularly, people are very tactile," Uther kept his eyes fixed on Arthur. "Once you become a friend as well as a potential business partner, it is usual for men as well as women to hug and even kiss on the cheek when greeting each other at social functions. I know that this is something that will be challenging for you, Arthur. But you need to find a way to deal with it. Wincing would be considered very rude." Uther's lips quirked with amusement for a moment, but Arthur knew that he was serious.

So, Arthur had three weeks. Three weeks in which to overcome a lifetime of being uncomfortable with physical intimacy. _Fuck_.

XOXOXOX

Arthur stalked back to his own office and went straight to the window. He clenched his fists on the sill, looking out at the London skyline and took a deep breath, trying to centre himself.

His rational brain knew that he was being ridiculous. It shouldn't be difficult to hug someone, to peck them on the cheek and not flinch away. They were only people; it was only touching. But Arthur had always shied away from physical contact, it made him horribly uncomfortable.

Sex was different. Arthur had never had a problem with that. Lost in the moment of sexual intimacy he loved the feeling of another person's body against his own, but as soon as it was over he wanted his own space back. The idea of sleeping wrapped around another body made his skin crawl. He rarely stayed the night with a partner and his relationships tended to be casual and never lasted long. He was aware that he avoided intimacy, but preferred not to think too closely about why that might be.

He heard the sound of someone clearing his throat behind him. Arthur turned to see Merlin standing in the doorway, gangly and expectant.

"Are you okay?" his face was earnest, open. The dark blue eyes held genuine concern.

"Yeah," Arthur sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "Come in properly, and shut the door."

"So what's up?" Merlin folded his lanky body into the chair in front of Arthur's desk. "Do you want to tell me?" He raised his eyebrows.

Arthur looked at him for a moment. Merlin had been his personal assistant ever since Arthur had graduated and taken up his position at Pendragon Enterprises. They had worked together for two years, and he counted Merlin as a friend as well as a colleague. Arthur didn't have many people that he considered to be friends. His long hours didn't allow for a lot of socialising, and although Arthur was charming, he habitually kept people at a distance. It took a long time to win his trust, but Merlin had somehow, surreptitiously managed to worm his way past Arthur's careful barriers.

"He's worried that I'm going to fuck things up with the Italians."

Merlin frowned. "But in the meeting he seemed to have total faith in you? I don't understand."

"It's not my work that's not up to par, it's my social skills." Arthur frowned, embarrassed at having to explain. "Italians are touchy-feely." He felt his cheeks heat as Merlin looked at him. "And I'm not. Really not."

"Okay," Merlin said, cocking his head slightly. "But you can handle it, yeah? Just grin and bear it."

"I don't know," Arthur admitted. "It's easy for you to say."

Merlin was the polar opposite of Arthur. Affectionate touch seemed to come naturally to him and he was very tactile. It was one of the reasons that all the women in the office adored him. He was always quick to hug someone who was having a bad day. He had never touched Arthur though, other than the handshake when they were first introduced. Arthur assumed that Merlin was perceptive enough to sense the 'fuck off' vibes that radiated from him whenever anyone got too close.

"I get that you don't like to be touched," Merlin said carefully. "But surely you can cope if you have to?"

"It makes me feel sick," Arthur tried to explain. "My skin crawls. I blush, and go as stiff as a board." Merlin snorted and Arthur glared at him. "Not like _that_, you idiot!"

"I know... sorry, I couldn't resist," Merlin chuckled.

"I'm really not very good at hiding it," Arthur said. "And my father's worried that I'll offend the Kilgaris."

"Well luckily for you, I have the perfect solution." Merlin said, his face serious.

"And what's that?" Arthur raised an eyebrow. "A personality transplant? A crash course on letting people invade my personal space without me hitting them, or running away screaming?"

"Something like that," Merlin grinned.

XOXOXOX

"So this is your mother's website?" Uther raised his eyebrows as Merlin pulled up the site on Arthur's laptop.

"Yes," Merlin replied. "I know it looks a bit wacky, but the workshops are really successful. Look at the testimonials page. And it's not unusual for people to come to them for similar reasons to Arthur. She's been known to run them as team-building exercises for very prestigious companies."

Uther looked sceptical. "And you'd be prepared to give this a shot, Arthur?"

Arthur shrugged. "Kill or cure. I think it's got to be worth a try if it'll help me to feel more comfortable around the Kilgaris and their associates. You told me to find a way to deal with it, I think this might be the way."

Uther studied the website again, scrolling through quickly. He clicked through to another page and raised his eyebrows. "A cuddle puddle?" His voice was dry but the corner of his mouth twitched. "You're _really_ prepared to try this, Arthur?"

"I've not really looked at the details of it yet," Arthur admitted_. What the ever-loving fuck was a cuddle puddle?_ "I thought it might be easier not to know too much in advance, just go into it open to the experience, you know?"

"Well that's very commendable," Uther looked at the laptop screen again, unable to mask the expression of disbelief on his face. "Right, well – if you're sure then go ahead and book it. Merlin, will your mother be able to fit him in at short notice?"

"I'm sure she can pull some strings," Merlin replied, then turned to Arthur with a grin. "I'll get onto it straight away and see if she can fit you to into one of her workshops this weekend, yeah? Better to get it over with, like pulling a tooth."

Arthur nodded, trying to quell his rising panic at the prospect. _What the hell was he letting himself in for?_

XOXOXOX

"Okay, so my mum will fit you into her Saturday workshop this weekend – provided that I come with you," Merlin said when he finally got off the phone. "She says it's far too long since I've been to visit, and she's right. So we can drive down in the morning. The workshop's the afternoon, and she's insisting that we stay over so that we can spend some time with her in the evening."

"Right, okay," Arthur replied glumly. He'd been half hoping that Hunith, Merlin's mum, would say that she had no spaces left. There was no getting out of it now. "Do you need to book me into a hotel for the night?"

"God, no!" Merlin laughed. "Mum wouldn't hear of it. Anyway there's no shortage of space at the commune. They'll be able to put both of us up in one of the guest rooms."

"Commune?" Arthur's voice rose in alarm. This was just getting better.

"Yeah," Merlin grinned. "Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. It's like a huge shared house, but each member has their own living space. So Mum has her own flat, but there are communal areas too, and guest rooms for visitors like us."

"Won't you sleep in your old room?" Arthur frowned, confused.

"I don't have one anymore. When I left home Mum moved into a one-bedroom flat, so that a family could have the bigger one with more rooms. That's the way it works there."

"Sounds sensible," said Arthur, thinking of his father's enormous London town house and all its empty rooms that were hardly ever used.

"So anyway, we may need to share a guest room if that's okay? It'll depend on how many of the people coming for Mum's workshop are staying. I didn't think you'd mind." Merlin's lips quirked in a smile. "After all, you'll be desensitised to human contact by then and totally cool with having your personal-space invaded, so sharing a room with me will be a piece of cake."

Alarm bells immediately started ringing in Arthur's head at the prospect of spending a night in such close proximity to his PA.

"As long as it's a twin and not a double," he tried to cover his anxiety with a clumsy joke. But then he felt his face flame, as the thought of sharing a bed with Merlin flooded his head with very inappropriate thoughts.

Merlin's eyes flickered for a moment and he took just a fraction too long to chuckle in response. "Um... yeah. Don't worry, it won't be a double. We might even get bunk beds. If we do, I call top!" He grinned innocently at Arthur, whose thoughts were now positively x-rated.

_I am so fucked_. He turned away to surreptitiously adjust the erection that was starting to tent his trousers.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. There will be more very soon.**

**Cuddle workshops really exist. Please see www(dot)cuddleworkshop(dot)co(dot)uk for the inspiration that provided the prompt on the kink meme.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and story alerts for chapter 1. I'm glad you like it so far. The lovely Mamdi got this chapter back to me about ten minutes ago - so here it is, hot off the press. **

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><p>Arthur stretched back in the leather seat of his BMW and rolled his shoulders as he glared at the unmoving rush-hour traffic. With time to roam, his thoughts strayed to Merlin and the forthcoming weekend.<p>

It always surprised him how well he got on with Merlin. It wasn't your typical working relationship. At first they had clashed horribly, as Arthur took time to get used to Merlin's casual attitude and complete lack of deference to Arthur. But Merlin had proved himself surprisingly efficient and utterly loyal, as well as immune to Arthur's demanding nature and fickle moods.

Arthur's attraction to Merlin had crept up on him gradually, taking him by surprise. It wasn't that he hadn't found members of his own sex attractive before, that wasn't new to him. It's just that if someone had asked, he would have said that Merlin wasn't his type. He was too skinny, too awkward, too boyish-looking.

Arthur was usually drawn to men who looked older and more confident, who were harder around the edges than Merlin. But it was the little details about Merlin that somehow combined to make him so appealing. Merlin was made of contrasts. His black hair and pale skin, the angles of his cheekbones and the soft curves of his lips, the awkward grace of his lanky body. Arthur sighed and rested his head on the steering wheel.

Everyone assumed that Arthur was straight and his life was easier that way. He dated women openly – casual, short-lived relationships – but at his age he could get away with that without arousing suspicion.

He enjoyed sex with women; he took pleasure in their bodies and their responses to his own. But sex with another man was something different entirely. When Arthur picked up some guy in a club and surrendered his body to be fucked, he forgot who he was, forgot his responsibilities. All his defences were stripped away leaving him raw and wanting and vulnerable. He never took anyone back to his flat, it would always be their place, or a hotel, or even a toilet cubicle in the club. Once it was over he would make his excuses and go home alone, feeling sated but empty.

Merlin was openly gay; he made no secret of his sexuality and seemed totally comfortable with it. He didn't say much about his relationships, but as far as Arthur knew there wasn't anyone serious. Once, Arthur had passed him in a corridor at a gay club. Merlin's eyes had flown open in recognition and he'd seemed as though he was about to say something. But Arthur had pushed past him roughly and not looked back. At work on the following Monday, neither of them had said a word about it. But the knowledge had hung between them ever since, like something almost tangible.

When he finally got back to his flat, Arthur was exhausted. It had been a long day. He headed straight for the shower, stripping off his clothes and throwing them carelessly in the general direction of the laundry basket. He turned the water on hot and allowed his thoughts to roam.

As he soaped his body, his prick hardened with interest. The image of Merlin's lips, sucking on his pen, popped into his head and Arthur allowed himself to imagine how they would look wrapped around the head of his cock. He usually tried to avoid fantasising about Merlin; it made it easier to work with him if he resisted the temptation to wank to thoughts of him. But today Arthur was feeling reckless and horny, and Merlin was at the forefront of his mind.

He stroked himself delicately at first, teasing the head of his prick with light strokes of his wet fingers, imagining that it was Merlin's tongue touching him. As he edged closer to orgasm he gripped his cock and groaned as he began to slide his hand in long, slow strokes. He closed his eyes and thought of Merlin kneeling at his feet, his hair jet black and dripping wet as his cheeks hollowed with each suck. _Fuck! _Arthur cursed and came with a gasp. His release was washed away by the torrent of water as he shuddered and leaned on the tiled wall for support, his cock pulsing in his hand.

XOXOXOX

Arthur picked Merlin up at eight on Saturday morning. Merlin was dressed and ready to go, but he was yawning and there were violet shadows under his blue eyes.

"Late night?" Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Meh... not that late really." Merlin winced as he stepped out into the early morning sunlight. "But a bit too much red wine with Gwen and some of the other girls from accounts. Can we stop for coffee once we're on the motorway? I _need_ Starbucks."

"I suppose," Arthur rolled his eyes. "But if we're planning on getting there by lunchtime we won't be able to stop for long."

Merlin threw his overnight bag into the boot and settled himself into the passenger seat. Arthur waited for him to fasten the seat belt before he pulled away.

Arthur was feeling nervous already. He had made the mistake of looking at Hunith's website again last night and now had a much clearer idea of exactly what he was going to spend his afternoon doing. He felt his hands sweat and gripped the wheel tighter as his body was filled with a flood of discomfort.

"So, Merlin," he said, hoping for distraction. "Tell me more about Ealdor, what was it like growing up in a commune?"

Merlin didn't reply. Arthur glanced sideways and snorted in half-annoyed amusement when he saw that he was asleep. His lips were softly parted and dark lashes swept his pale cheeks.

"Great. Thanks, Merlin." Arthur said to his oblivious companion. "You're clearly going to be excellent company on the drive. Brilliant."

Merlin was still out for the count when Arthur pulled up at Reading Services an hour later. Arthur switched off the engine and turned to look at Merlin. He felt slightly creepy for blatantly watching him sleep but couldn't resist the chance to study him. In the sudden silence he could hear the slight puffs of Merlin's breathing as his chest rose and fell gently. His head had dropped awkwardly towards the window and the long, pale expanse of his throat was visible. His prominent adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and Arthur was filled with a crazy desire to suck it.

"Wake up you slacker," he said loudly, poking Merlin in the ribs making him jerk awake with a start. "Good thing I didn't need any map-reading done yet."

"Um... yeah," Merlin winced as he straightened up, rubbing his neck and yawning. "Sorry about that. Cars always make me sleepy."

"Of course," Arthur nodded, smirking. "And the red wine had nothing to do with it. Come on then, let's get some caffeine down your neck."

The services were busy, but they managed to find a table that was free. Arthur wrinkled his nose as Merlin swept the crumbs of other people's breakfasts onto the floor and half-heartedly mopped at some sticky patches with a napkin. They sat and drank their coffee in companionable silence for a while. Black and unsweetened for Arthur and some ridiculous syrupy vanilla concoction for Merlin, which Arthur eyed suspiciously. Merlin had ordered a blueberry muffin too and ate it with obvious enjoyment, picking it apart with delicate fingers.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked Arthur.

"No," Arthur shook his head. "Some of us got up early enough to have breakfast this morning, Merlin." His voice was disapproving but he smiled when Merlin caught his eye.

Merlin grinned back; his lips were stained purpled from the berries. Arthur wondered fleetingly how they would taste, but then steered his mind away from such dangerous paths, reminding himself that he would probably be sharing a room with Merlin tonight.

"I'd better go for a pee," Merlin said. "I assume you don't want to stop again if we can help it?"

"No," Arthur replied. "It's still another two and a half hours from here so it would be best if we can press on."

They headed for the toilets before going back to the car. It was busy in there too but at least there wasn't a queue curving out into the corridor like there was outside the ladies. They pissed side by side at the urinals and Arthur was very careful to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the wall in front of him.

Arthur filled the car up with petrol before pulling back out onto the M4. The traffic wasn't heavy and they were making good time. He settled more comfortably in his seat, trying to relax his shoulders as he drove.

"So, now you're awake, you can tell me more about Ealdor. Were you brought up there?"

"Yeah," Merlin replied. "Mum moved there when she was pregnant with me. My uncle, Gaius, was already a member and we lived with him for a while until Mum got her own flat."

Merlin never mentioned his father and Arthur had never liked to ask too much about him, but something about being out of the workplace made him bold. "What happened to your father?"

"He and Mum were never really a couple," Merlin's voice was matter-of-fact. "They had a five day fling at Glastonbury Festival but that's all it ever was. He was a traveller, they didn't keep in touch. When she found out she was pregnant she had no idea how to contact him."

Arthur swallowed, unsure of what to say. "So, Ealdor, was it a good place to grow up?"

"I guess so," Merlin said thoughtfully. "I never knew anything different but I had a pretty cool childhood. There were always people to play with if I wanted. I think it was good for Mum as a single parent, she wasn't isolated and had plenty of support if she needed it."

"Is there a school there?" Arthur was genuinely interested. It sounded so radically different from his own childhood.

"Not as such. Some kids from Ealdor go to the local primary but most of us were home-schooled, including me."

Arthur was silent for a moment, trying to imagine what Merlin's childhood had been like. It couldn't have been more different from his own. After Arthur's mother had died in childbirth, he had been raised by a succession of nannies. His father had been a distant figure who Arthur idolised but also feared. At the age of seven, Arthur had gone to prep school as a boarder and then on to Radley when he was eleven. In school holidays while his father worked long hours, Arthur rattled around the enormous London town house, bored out of his mind and waiting to get back to his friends at school.

"It sounds pretty idyllic," he observed.

"In some ways it was," Merlin agreed, but then he chuckled. "But when you're a kid you always want something different don't you? I used to be pissed off that we didn't have a television, and that I never got new shoes until my old ones were disintegrating."

Arthur grinned. "Surely you don't actually _wear_ shoes in a commune?"

Merlin laughed. "Yeah, fair point, actually. Half of them don't."

They fell into silence again for a while and Arthur's thoughts drifted back to the reason for their visit. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and drummed his fingers, chewing on his bottom lip in an uncharacteristic display of nerves.

"So have you ever taken part in one of these workshops?" he asked.

"No," Merlin voice was amused. "You know me, Arthur. I'm already very tactile, so I've never seen the need."

"Why do you think you're like that? Does your mum have any theories about why some people are more comfortable with touch than others?"

"I think it's what you're used to," Merlin replied simply. "There's not been much research on it, and it would be hard to prove it scientifically... but Mum reckons that if you're cuddled a lot as a baby then you're more comfortable with it as an adult."

"I suppose that makes sense. You must have been cuddled all the time then." He turned, flashing Merlin a quick smirk.

"Pretty much. I slept in her bed until I was six and she never even owned a pushchair... so yeah, I wasn't short of physical contact."

Arthur fell silent again. The gulf between his own early childhood and Merlin's seemed so shockingly huge he could hardly wrap his head around it. He couldn't even find any words to joke about it. Because a small, sad part of him was too busy wondering desperately what it must feel like to have a mother who has that much love to give you

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><p><strong>AN: More to follow very soon! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you as always to the lovely Mamdi for being a wonderful beta and cheerleader!**

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><p>"We're nearly there now," Merlin said, sitting up in his seat and fixing his eyes on the road curving ahead of them. "It's just round the next bend, and then you'll see the turning on the left. It's got big stone gateposts."<p>

"About time," Arthur's jaw was tense with stress and irritation. "You're crap at map-reading, Emrys, just so you know. Only _you _could manage to get us lost on the way to your own home."

"To be fair, I've never driven here before," Merlin replied mildly. "I don't own a car, remember? And train drivers can usually find their own way."

Arthur turned in through the gates and drove slowly, the tyres of the car crunching on the bumpy, uneven gravel.

"This could do with being re-surfaced," he grumbled, fearing for his car's suspension.

The track was lined with trees and as they rounded a bend Ealdor House finally came into view.

"Wow!" Arthur exclaimed, impressed by the size and grandeur of the building before him.

It was a beautiful old manor house, enormous and rambling but obviously well-maintained. The red bricks glowed warm in the September sunshine and the farmland around it stretched out into the distance.

"It's kind of cool, isn't it?" Merlin sounded pleased at Arthur's reaction.

"How much land is there?"

"About forty acres, it's all owned by the community. Everyone is involved in the running of the farm. There's livestock and they grow a lot of their own food."

"I can't imagine you as a farmer, Merlin," Arthur glanced at him and Merlin grinned.

"Well I wasn't very good at that side of things, which is how I ended up living in London working for you."

They finally lurched to a stop in front of the house. Arthur opened the boot and they lifted out their bags.

"Come on then," Merlin smiled. "Let's go and find Mum."

Arthur followed Merlin up the stone steps, trying not to stare at his arse and mostly failing.

The front doors of the house were propped open and they entered a large hall with a flagstone floor. There was no one around, but Arthur could hear the sounds of conversation and clattering echoing through an open door.

Merlin led Arthur up a wide staircase and along several corridors and finally stopped outside one of the solid wooden doors.

"Right, are you ready to meet my Mum?" He grinned. "Brace yourself, she might try and hug you."

Arthur glared at him and cursed the prickle of anxiety that tingled under his skin as Merlin turned the handle and pushed the door open.

"Mum?" he called as they entered. The room they stepped into was huge and open-plan, with a kitchen on one side and a comfortable looking living area on the other. Two doors led off the main space and at the sound of Merlin's voice one of these burst open. A dark-haired woman emerged and flew across the room to fold Merlin into her arms.

"Darling, boy," she sighed into his hair. "It's so wonderful to see you; it's been much too long."

"I know, Mum, I'm sorry." Merlin hugged her back tightly as Arthur watched uncomfortably, feeling as though he was intruding on a moment that should have been private.

When they eventually pulled back from each other, Hunith's face was radiant but her eyes were bright with tears.

"Sorry, I'm being rude." She turned and smiled. "You must be Arthur; it's lovely to finally meet you when I've heard so much about you."

Arthur extended his hand and she took it, shaking it warmly with both of hers. She didn't try to hug him and Arthur was pathetically grateful.

"You too, Mrs Emrys," he answered automatically, then blushed and cursed his stupidity when he remembered that she wasn't married.

"Hunith, please," she smiled again. "I expect you boys are starving. Why don't you take your bags to your room and get settled while I heat up some soup? You're sharing the blue room."

Arthur's eyes flashed to Merlin's for a second and Merlin was looking back at him. Arthur blushed and looked away.

"Right, lead the way then," he said brusquely.

XOXOXOX

Arthur sat miserably in front of the thick vegetable soup and crusty bread that Hunith put in front of him. It looked and smelled delicious, but his stomach was tied in uncomfortable knots with nerves about the fast-approaching workshop.

He picked at his food and only half tuned in to the mother-son conversation that flowed around him. They chatted easily, laughing often. Arthur was struck by how much Hunith knew about Merlin's life and the people in it. Although they didn't see each other in person that often, they obviously kept in touch on a regular basis.

A few times, one or other of them tried to draw Arthur into the conversation with a glance or a question and he did his best to respond. But they didn't press him.

"I'm sorry, I'm just not very hungry," he apologised when Hunith asked if he had finished.

"It's okay," her eyes were kind. "I understand – it's normal to be nervous. Most of the other participants will be feeling anxious too."

Arthur smiled gratefully. He believed what she was saying, but the knowledge didn't make him feel any better.

Arthur washed the dishes and Merlin dried, while Hunith went downstairs to prepare the space ready for the workshop.

"You'll be fine, stop moping." Merlin flicked him with the tea towel. "What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"I might throw up on someone? Accidentally grope someone or touch them inappropriately? Panic and punch someone when they go in for a hug?"

Merlin threw his head back, exposing his throat as he laughed aloud. "Sorry... sorry," he spluttered. "I don't mean to mock, I know that you're freaking out about this, but honestly – it's going to be okay. In a few hours it'll all be over and you'll feel amazing, I promise."

"I highly doubt that," said Arthur sceptically. "Relieved, maybe."

"Most participants report feeling incredible afterwards, it can be a really powerful, transformative experience."

"God, Merlin. When you say things like that you sound like a total hippy," Arthur snorted.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it." Merlin nudged Arthur in the ribs with a bony elbow and Arthur jumped as though he'd been electrocuted. "Sorry," Merlin grinned unrepentantly. "Just trying to break you in gently."

XOXOXOX

Arthur was seriously thinking that he might hyperventilate when he entered the workshop room. He retreated inside himself, avoiding other people's eyes and found a corner to lurk in. He leaned against the wall, trying to appear casual while feeling anything but. His palms were slick with sweat and his heart was pounding.

The room was large and airy. There was no proper furniture but the stripped floorboards were covered with thick, brightly-coloured rugs. There were large cushions propped up all around the edges of the room and the walls were decorated with batik hangings. A huge window let in the light from outside, and softly glowing fairy lights were twisted around a large driftwood sculpture that stood in a dark alcove. There was some soft, supposedly relaxing music playing in the background. But it wasn't helping Arthur at all.

Other people drifted gradually into the room. Some stood in small groups talking, but others hung around on the periphery looking uncomfortable. Arthur's 'fuck off' vibes were obviously working as no one attempted to engage him in conversation, much to his relief.

Once the room was fairly full, maybe twenty people in all, Hunith closed the door and turned the music off. She clapped her hands to get everyone's attention and people stopped chatting and turned to look at her expectantly.

"Welcome." Hunith smiled, radiating calm confidence. "Can I start by asking you to take off your shoes and leave them on the racks by the door if you haven't already done so. Then grab a cushion, find a bit of floor to sit on and make yourselves comfortable while we go over some ground rules."

Arthur shuffled self-consciously over and toed off his shoes, putting them neatly side-by-side on one of the pine shoe racks by the door. He felt strangely exposed in his socked feet and moved quickly to grab a cushion and sit, placing himself near the back of the room. He realised as he tried to make himself comfortable that he couldn't recall the last time he had sat on the floor.

"Okay," Hunith spoke again once the room was quiet. "I'm Hunith and this is Will who is co-leading the workshop today." She gestured with her hand to a young man with brown hair and an intense expression on his face. He grinned and lifted a hand in greeting. "The purpose of this workshop is to allow you to explore non-sexual touch in a safe and nurturing environment. I understand that many of you will be feeling anxious. That's fine and only to be expected. But I hope that by putting yourself outside your comfort zone for this afternoon you will be rewarded, and that this experience will have a lasting impact on you."

Arthur listened intently, keeping his eyes fixed on Hunith as she spoke. His nerves were still extreme. He was momentarily filled with a mad urge to jump up and yell something inappropriate about just-getting-the-fuck-on-with-it-already. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists in his lap, trying to breathe normally.

He tried to pay attention as Hunith laid out the ground rules for the workshop:

Always ask for permission before touching someone.

Don't be afraid to say no.

No nudity – _thank fuck for that. He did NOT need to see the large beardy bloke sitting next to him starkers thank you very much._

No grinding –_ thank fuck times a billion._

When Hunith started talking about it being okay to laugh but also okay to cry, Arthur couldn't quite decide which he felt more like doing at that particular moment. _What the fuck am I doing here? _

By the time Hunith and Will got them up and moving for the first ice-breaking exercise, Arthur was so far outside his own body that he felt as though he was on auto-pilot.

They were simply asked to move around the room and make eye contact and smile at each person as they passed them. Arthur drifted around the room with a frozen grin plastered to his face. He was slightly encouraged to see that several of the other participants also had a rabbit-in-headlights look about them. But some of them looked sickeningly serene – he wanted to punch them.

After a few minutes of that, they were asked to begin touching hands with people as they passed. Arthur instinctively wiped his palms on the leg of his jeans and winced at how sticky they were. He took a deep breath and carried on weaving in and out of the other people, allowing his hands to brush against others as he moved.

They walked mostly in silence. Some people were still smiling a greeting as they made eye contact, others were more serious. Arthur started to notice little details about the hands he was touching. Some were tentative, others more confident. Some were sweaty like his own, others were warm and dry, others cool and smooth. With each successive touch Arthur started to feel just a little calmer. As he passed Hunith and touched her hand, she gave his fingers a quick squeeze and he grinned in surprise, meeting her warm smile before they moved on. When he passed the young man called Will, their palms brushed and Arthur met Will's eyes. He saw interest there and cool assessment and felt slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Okay." It was Will's voice that drew everyone's attention this time. "I'd like you to find a partner, introduce yourselves, and find a comfortable spot somewhere in the room."

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><p><strong>AN: The commune is based on a real place in the UK called Canon Frome Court (canonfromecourt(dot)org(dot)uk). I've taken a few liberties but the principle is very similar. **

**I'm loving all the reviews, I'm so glad that people are enjoying the story. I absolutely loved writing this one so I'm happy that you like it too. **

**More soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to Mamdi for the beta.**

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><p>Arthur had a moment of renewed panic as everyone started to drift into couples. He didn't want a partner, but he didn't want to be the only person left unclaimed. He looked around and smiled gratefully as a woman approached him, her eyebrows raised in silent invitation.<p>

"Hi, I'm Diana", she said and held out her hand.

Arthur took it and shook. Her palm was one of the cool, smooth variety and she gripped his fingers lightly. "Arthur," he nodded awkwardly.

"Shall we?" She gestured vaguely towards some cushions and they moved to sit down, facing each other nervously, waiting for instructions.

"I'd like you to push your boundaries now by exploring the touch of hands on hands, with gentle massage," Will's voice rang out clearly. "Decide between yourselves who will be giving and who will be receiving first. Then after a few minutes I'll ask you to swap over and take the other role. Remember that communication with your partner is an important part of the process. Talk to each other, don't be afraid to say if you're feeling uncomfortable."

Arthur and Diana looked at each other. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't mind, which do you want to do first?"

"Um... I don't know," he floundered, unwilling to make a choice.

"Okay. Give me your hand then, if that's all right? I'll do yours first."

Arthur nodded and stretched out his hand. Diana shifted a little closer and took it in both of hers and began to draw firm circles in the palm of his hand with her thumb.

Will spoke again as he moved quietly around the room. "If it helps you to feel more relaxed, feel free to close your eyes. Try to enjoy the sensations. If your partner does something that you don't like, don't be afraid to say. Equally, if you are enjoying it, you can tell them that too."

"Is this okay?" Diana asked quietly.

Arthur nodded. "Yes, thank you." He cleared his throat, embarrassed by how formal he must sound. "Sorry, I'm ridiculously nervous."

He flicked his eyes up to meet hers and she smiled. "Me too," she whispered conspiratorially. "I've never done anything like this before."

She carried on massaging his palm with gentle strokes. Although Arthur still felt uncomfortable with the fact that his hand was basically being caressed by a stranger, he had to admit that the physical sensation was nice. He closed his eyes and willed himself to relax. As soon as his eyes were shut he was instantly more focused on the feeling of Diana's hands on his own. She started to work on his fingers, rolling them in her own and paying lots of attention to his sensitive fingertips. By the time Will spoke again, asking them to swap roles, some of Arthur's tension has dissipated.

He opened his eyes and smiled at Diana as he took her hand, feeling awkward again now he was responsible for trying to do something that would feel nice for the other person. He tried to recreate the movements that she had used, and found that it was easier than he'd expected. She closed her eyes and hummed her approval once or twice and Arthur started to feel quite pleased with himself.

Once the hand massage was over they were asked by Hunith to move around the room again, touching hands as they went. Then she stopped them and instructed them to find a different partner to work with for the next exercise. Arthur ended up with a man this time, who introduced himself as Guy. He looked to be in his late forties and was tall and lean with longish dark hair, pulled back in a scruffy ponytail. This time they were instructed to massage each other's faces.

Arthur was immediately prickling with discomfort again. He'd coped with the hand touching, but having someone touch his face seemed so much more intrusive and intimate. Guy must have noticed him tense involuntarily when Hunith explained what was required, because he leaned in close and spoke to Arthur gently.

"Remember, you can say no to any of this if you're not happy with it."

Arthur nodded stiffly. "I know, thanks."

Guy waited, looking at him with understanding. "So what do you think you can cope with? Or would you rather sit this out altogether?"

"No... I don't know... I'm not sure," Arthur sighed in exasperation. "I don't want to chicken out, I'm here now. And I want to try and do this, but I'm finding it really hard."

"How about if I sit behind you and touch your hair at first instead of your face? You could imagine I was a hairdresser," Guy grinned reassuringly.

"Okay," Arthur agreed. "I think I can handle that."

Guy moved to sit behind him and Arthur closed his eyes again as he felt the other man's fingers stroke through his hair and massage his scalp. At first Arthur was rigid with embarrassment, his fists clenched in his lap as he sat. But, as with the hand massage, his discomfort gradually faded and was eventually replaced by simple pleasure at the touch of another person's hands.

"Would you be okay with me moving round to touch your face now?" Guy asked quietly and Arthur kept his eyes closed, just nodding in reply.

The sensation of Guy's fingertips at his temples made him jump, but as Arthur felt gentle circles smoothing away his tension, and strong thumbs massaging his cheekbones he started to get an amazing sensation of something akin to bliss. It occurred to him that if he were a cat he'd be purring like a train. The thought made him chuckle.

"Okay?" Guy asked.

"Yes," Arthur replied. And it really was.

As the workshop progressed Arthur found each successive task a little easier to cope with. Hunith and Will gradually pushed the boundaries out further with each new exercise. But the environment was so nurturing and the other people were so supportive, that Arthur found himself able to meet each new challenge with only a slight new spike of anxiety each time.

They moved on from face massages to shoulder massages. Everyone stood in a circle, facing clockwise, massaging the shoulders of the person in front of them. This gave rise to lots of giggling at first, as some people were more ticklish than others and it took a while for people to gauge what the receiver of the massage did and didn't like.

After the massages came the first actual cuddling. But by this time Arthur was feeling ready for anything. He still had moments of anxiety and discomfort but they were becoming few and far between. He was filled with amazing happiness and a sense of affinity with the other people in the room, as though he was somehow bonded to them by this strange, shared experience.

Will got everyone up and walking again. As you met people moving around the room, you hugged them – as long as both of you were happy with it. They were encouraged to make eye contact and smile to show if they were open to being touched by a particular person.

Arthur found himself drifting around the room in a state of dazed elation as person after person drew him into their arms and held him. He hugged women, he hugged men. He hugged some people briefly and others for a long time. What had he been so afraid of? His body was singing with a strange kind of joy that he had never felt before. When he came upon Hunith he pulled her in close and squeezed her tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered close to her ear. "Thank you so much."

Her arms tightened around him. "You're very welcome, my dear."

When she released him she touched his cheek gently with her hand and smiled.

The final exercise was the bit that Arthur had been dreading the most. Jokingly referred to as the Cuddle Puddle, the workshop participants were asked to lie around on the cushions in a huge group hug. Will put the relaxing music back on that had been playing as they'd all arrived. And as Hunith led them through a relaxation exercise, the energy in the room simmered down to a beautiful place of serenity.

As Arthur lay, surrounded by strangers in a warm happy tangle of limbs, he reflected that if his father could see him now he wouldn't believe his eyes. He almost wished that he could have photographic evidence to take back to the office. But as Beardy Man next to him tightened his arm around Arthur's waist and an unknown person behind Arthur slipped gentle fingers through his hair, he decided that maybe it was better that he didn't. He'd never live it down.

Once the last exercise was over, they moved to sit in a circle. People were invited to share their feelings and thoughts about the workshop and how it had affected them. Arthur chose not to say anything to the group. He found that he was feeling strangely vulnerable now that it was over, like a snail that had lost its shell, exposed and rather raw. But the workshop had been incredible and he had no regrets about taking part.

Afterwards they moved through to the dining room for tea, biscuits and more informal chatter. Everyone seemed to be feeling exhilarated in the aftermath and Will and Hunith were surrounded by people thanking them, and telling them what an amazing experience it had been.

Arthur chatted happily with various people as he drank his tea and wolfed down several biscuits. His appetite had returned with a vengeance now his ordeal was over.

Hunith approached Arthur, a smile on her face and a half-eaten biscuit in her hand. "Well done, Arthur. I know how much courage that took."

He grinned at her. "It was amazing. I'm so glad I did it."

"I need to stay for a while to clear up and chat with Will about how it went, but you can head back up to my flat whenever you're ready. I know Merlin will be anxious to know how it went for you."

Arthur chuckled. "He'll get to say I told you so, and will be unbearably smug about it."

"Probably," Hunith laughed. "But he'll be proud of you too. He cares about you a lot, Arthur."

Arthur flushed and searched for an appropriate response, but Hunith saved him by touching his arm gently and dismissing him.

"I'll see you later," she smiled again and moved on to talk to Beardy Man.

Arthur slipped away. He was hoping that Merlin would be there so he could tell him all about his experience. He felt shattered after the emotional rollercoaster of the afternoon, but was filled with a kind of suppressed excitement too, a low buzz of energy and warmth that radiated through him.

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><p><strong>AN: More soon! **

**Thanks for all the reviews so far. Has anyone reading ever been to a cuddle workshop? Writing this fic has made me want to try it, although I'd be feeling a bit like Arthur at the beginning I'm sure. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you to my wonderful beta, Mamdi.**

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><p>He found Merlin curled up on one of Hunith's tatty, comfortable-looking sofas, with his nose buried in a book. He looked up when Arthur came in and grinned expectantly as Arthur approached.<p>

"So?" he put his book down and swung his legs round, sitting up. "Did you punch anyone or run away screaming?"

"No," Arthur's lips twitched and then split into a huge smile that he couldn't have contained even if he'd tried. "_God_, Merlin. It was amazing, seriously. I still can't quite fucking believe that I actually _did_ it."

Merlin was looking at him with a strange expression. There was warmth and pride all tangled up with something else that Arthur couldn't name. He stood up and faced Arthur, his arms hanging loosely by his side.

"Arthur," his face was serious now. "Would it be really weird for you if I hug you now? Only I'm so fucking proud of you, and I really feel like this is a hugging sort of moment."

Arthur felt a flicker of anxiety, but took a deep breath and let it settle. He could do this. And actually, the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he really _wanted_ to hug Merlin.

"Okay," he nodded.

They moved towards each other, closing the gap between them. There was a moment of awkwardness as Arthur narrowly avoided stepping on Merlin's foot, but then their arms locked around each other.

Arthur was surprised by how substantial Merlin felt. He looked so skinny, but in Arthur's embrace he felt solid and reassuring. Arthur's nose was jammed up against Merlin's neck, and when he inhaled his nose filled with a clean, warm, slightly musky scent that was comforting and made Arthur want to cling to him more tightly. He fought the urge and released Merlin, backing away and smiling sheepishly. Merlin was positively beaming at him, his eyes bright and his cheeks slightly flushed.

Arthur cleared his throat nervously and Merlin sat back down on the sofa, gesturing for Arthur to join him. He put himself at the opposite end, keeping a careful distance between them. He wanted to touch Merlin again, but he was very aware that his motives weren't entirely innocent. The warm scent of Merlin still lingered in his nostrils, reminding him that he craved so much more than non-sexual touch from the man sitting beside him.

Merlin listened as Arthur talked about the workshop. He nodded sympathetically when Arthur described his nerves, giggled at Arthur's description of Beardy Man and grinned like a fool when Arthur got to the part about the Cuddle Puddle.

"So... did you actually _enjoy_ it in the end?"

"Parts of it, yeah," Arthur nodded, still finding it hard to believe himself. "Don't get me wrong – for an awful lot of the time I was cringing and totally stressed out... but once I allowed my anxiety to settle and started to relax, there were moments where I felt really amazing."

"Do you think it's changed you?" Merlin paused. "I mean... do you think it's made a lasting difference?"

"I don't know," Arthur answered honestly. "But I let you hug me just now, didn't I?" Merlin grinned and nodded. Arthur looked down at his hands, twisting them in his lap as he tried to explain. "I think... I _hope_ that the experience will give me the courage to challenge my instinctive responses in the future. Rome wasn't built in a day. I don't think I'm going to magically transform into Mr Touchy-Feely overnight and start hugging everyone all the time. But now I know I can handle it, I think it'll gradually get easier. The fear's gone, and that was the worst part."

There was a silence as they were both lost in their own thoughts for a moment. Then Arthur's stomach rumbled loudly, breaking the serious mood and making Merlin chuckle and Arthur blush.

"You're hungry then?" Merlin grinned. "Sorry, I should have thought. I know you didn't eat much lunch. I'll go and put the kettle on and raid Mum's cupboards."

Merlin jumped up and started crashing about in the kitchen. Arthur stood and stretched, and wandered idly about the room. He paused in front of the mantelpiece and his eyes were drawn to several framed photos, all of Merlin at different ages.

There was one that must have been fairly recent, with Merlin looking much as Arthur knows him now, sitting on the sofa in Hunith's flat with a Christmas tree in the background. The next showed Merlin as a geeky teenager with a shocking bowl-cut, looking up the camera rather pensively through unfeasibly long eyelashes. Then Arthur smiled as he took in Merlin as a knobbly-kneed child, grinning at the camera on a sandy beach, a helpless crab dangling from his determined fingers.

But it was the last photo that Arthur found himself staring at, unable to tear his eyes away. Hunith was standing, smiling serenely at the camera. Merlin – Arthur assumed it must be him – was tied securely to Hunith's chest by a brightly woven piece of cloth. Infant-Merlin was sound asleep, his head tilted and his chubby cheek pressed against Hunith's breast, cupid-bow lips parted slightly. A tiny starfish-like hand poked out of the sling and drooped, utterly relaxed and blissful.

Arthur felt his eyes prickling with sudden mortifying tears. _Fucking hell, Pendragon. Get a grip._ He cleared his throat abruptly and moved to look out of the window, refusing to start crying now for a mother he'd never known.

"Brilliant, I've struck cake!" came a delighted exclamation from the kitchen. "Mum makes the best cake ever. Can you take the teabags out while I cut us some slices?"

Glad of the distraction, Arthur rubbed his eyes angrily and turned away from the window. "Yes, of course." He moved into the kitchen and occupied himself with stirring tea and transporting dripping teabags over to the bin. His arm brushed against Merlin as he squeezed past him, and Arthur noticed that his usual instinctive physical reaction to the unexpected contact was far less intense than he was used to. The thought made his lips curve in a secret smile and the sadness that had ambushed him at the sight of the photograph started to recede.

The cake further restored his good humour. Merlin was right, Hunith apparently made excellent cake and it was very hard to be miserable when you were eating it. They sat, side by side on the sofa, chatting about nothing in particular as they ate the cake and slurped their tea. By the time they'd finished, Arthur had managed to regain the sense of happy warmth that the workshop had left him with.

XOXOXOX

In the evening they went down to the communal dining room for supper. There were about forty people eating together. Some were commune members and others had come for the workshop. Arthur was pleased to see several familiar faces.

The atmosphere was relaxed and informal. Everyone helped themselves to food from huge pots and pans in the kitchen, and took their plates back to the long tables to eat. Arthur scooped himself a generous helping from the mountains of mashed potato, and chose the meat stew rather than the vegetarian version. But he had to admit that the lentil and vegetable stew did look pretty appetising too as he watched Merlin putting some onto his plate, alongside his rather smaller portion of mash.

There were baskets on the table containing chunks of bread, along with jugs of water and glasses. Arthur ended up squeezed between Merlin and Hunith at one of the long tables. Will sat opposite them and an elderly man with shoulder-length white hair took the seat next to him.

"Arthur, this is Gaius, my uncle... well, great uncle really if you're being technical..." Merlin babbled as Gaius raised his eyebrows in amusement and leaned over the table, clasping Arthur's hand and shaking it firmly.

"Good to meet you, Arthur," he nodded and smiled, his eyes bright in his wrinkled face.

"And you already met Will, yeah?" Merlin indicated the man sitting opposite.

Arthur nodded and chuckled. "Yep, we've definitely met... I even hugged him earlier, but there wasn't much opportunity for small-talk. Hello again." He smiled and raised a hand in greeting.

Will smiled back, but didn't say anything in reply. There was a tightness to his features and his eyes slid sideways to Merlin before dropping back to his plate of food.

"So, Arthur," Gaius chipped in quickly. "How did you find the workshop?"

"It was amazing," Arthur replied honestly. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm so glad I did it."

He stopped, not really wanting to say any more. It had been such a deeply personal experience, it was still hard to put his feelings about it into words. Just then he felt Merlin's knee shift under the table to press against his own. He curbed his instinctive reaction to jerk his leg away and left it where it was. He felt the warmth of Merlin's leg seep through the layers of clothing that separated their skin. He relaxed and took comfort in the gentle pressure.

They ate and chatted, and Arthur felt progressively more relaxed in the company of the people around him. His elbow brushed Merlin's and Hunith's occasionally as they ate. Usually that would bother him, but he found that tonight it didn't at all. At one point Merlin leaned over him to reach for the water jug and Arthur caught Merlin's warm, now-familiar scent. He felt a rush of heat to his groin and willed his prick to behave. At least in his seated position an unwanted erection would go unnoticed.

Will didn't talk much, and Arthur kept noticing Will watching him and Merlin speculatively. His gaze was making Arthur uncomfortable so he decided to be direct and have another attempt at making conversation with the man.

"So, Will," Arthur met his pale blue eyes. "Do you live at Ealdor too?"

"Yeah, always have done," Will replied shortly, not offering any further details.

Hunith stepped smoothly into the conversation. "Yes, Will grew up here, like Merlin. They used to get into all sorts of trouble together when they were small."

"It was always Will's fault though," Merlin insisted. "Well, apart from the time we tried to ride the cows, that _was_ actually my idea to be fair."

Everyone laughed. The hard edges of Will's face softened a little.

"Yeah... good times, eh?" His eyes flicked up to Merlin. "Feels like a long time ago now."

Arthur felt Merlin fidget uncomfortably next to him and was relieved when people around them started to rise and clear their plates away, breaking the mood and giving them all the excuse to move too.

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><p><strong>AN: You'll get a double update today, I'll post the next chapter a little later.  
><strong>**Please let me know what you think! Have a great weekend.**

**X**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: As promised, the second update of the day. See you at the bottom!**

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><p>Later that evening, Arthur was lying stretched out on his small single bed, trying and failing to resist the urge to ogle Merlin as he stripped and changed for bed. As Merlin pulled his t-shirt over his head Arthur took the chance to inspect his torso while his head was still covered. He was slender, but lean muscles showed beneath his milky skin. A smattering of dark hair covered his chest and a thicker dark line twisted sinuously down from his navel. Arthur's cock stirred and he shifted into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. He pulled his knees up to hide his arousal.<p>

Merlin half-turned away as he unfastened his jeans and slid them down his legs. They were slim and pale, with a touch of knobbliness about the knees that made him look gawky and vulnerable. Arthur felt something clench in his chest at the sight. But then Merlin leaned over to pull a fresh t-shirt from his bag and displayed his small but perfectly proportioned arse clad only in dark blue boxer briefs. Arthur bit his lip and adjusted himself through his jeans. _Fuck_. It was going to be a while before he could get changed without embarrassing himself at this rate.

Merlin pulled the t-shirt over his head and moved towards the door of the small ensuite bathroom. "I'm just going to go and do my teeth and stuff."

As soon as the door closed behind him Arthur leapt up, taking the opportunity to change in privacy. His half-hard cock was tenting his boxers and he gripped it for a moment wishing that he had time for a quick wank, but that definitely wasn't an option. He stripped to his underwear and pulled on an old threadbare t-shirt that he'd brought to sleep in. He slid under the covers and waited for Merlin to return, thinking about Beardy Man to help will his semi away.

By the time Merlin drifted back into the room, Arthur had calmed down enough to make his way to the bathroom safely. He had a piss and brushed his teeth, then went back into the small twin room to find Merlin tucked up in bed. He was curled on his side looking sleepy and rumpled. Arthur was filled with a tenderness that alarmed him.

"Shall I put the big light out now?"

Merlin nodded and yawned. "Yes please, if you're done with it."

Arthur switched off the main light leaving just a dim yellow glow cast by the lamp that stood on the bedside table between the two narrow beds. The angle of the light made Merlin's face all sharp edges and soft shadows. God, he was beautiful.

Arthur sighed and climbed into bed. He realised he was exhausted, it had been a long and emotional day. He felt different somehow, as though something deep inside him had shifted. He yawned and rolled onto his side to face Merlin. Merlin's face softened into a smile and it nearly took Arthur's breath away. A crazy, reckless part of him wanted to say something, to reveal himself to Merlin. But he was too afraid to take the chance.

Sometimes he had wondered whether Merlin might be attracted to him too. Occasionally he had caught a fleeting glance or a hint of intensity in those dark blue eyes that made him pause. But he was never sure. He smiled back at Merlin and the moment stretched out between them, but Arthur couldn't find any words.

"Do you want to read or anything?" Merlin finally broke the silence. "Or can I put this light out too?"

"Um... no. That's fine." Arthur muttered in reply, cursing himself for being a coward.

Merlin stretched out his arm and flicked the switch, plunging the room into what felt like total darkness. As Arthur's eyes adjusted, he could just make out a paler square on the wall where the curtained window was.

Ever since supper time something had been bothering him, and the cover of darkness gave him the courage to ask the question that had been on his lips all evening.

"So, Will," he tried to sound casual. "Was he like a boyfriend or something? The way he was looking at you made me think he was more than just a childhood friend."

Merlin sighed, and Arthur heard his bed creak as he shifted position. "Yeah, sort of." He paused for a moment. "We were very young, it was just experimentation really, not like a proper relationship. But we were friends too so it was complicated."

"He looks as though he still cares about you."

"He was hurt when I moved away," Merlin's voice held regret. "He wanted more than I could offer. I cared about him, but I didn't love him."

Arthur felt sorry for Will. He can only imagine how it would feel to have Merlin, but not get to keep him. "He didn't seem to like me very much," Arthur observed, remembering how Will had avoided talking to him earlier.

Merlin chuckled. "I think that's because he thinks you're my boyfriend."

Arthur felt a jolt of shock at the words. "Why would he think that?"

"He knows I'm gay, we travelled up here together for the weekend, we're sharing a room... people make assumptions."

Arthur's head whirled, wondering how many other people at Ealdor were assuming that Merlin and he were a couple. No one had treated them oddly. If that was what people thought, then clearly no one was bothered by it.

"Does it bother you, Arthur?" Merlin's voice cut through his thoughts. "People assuming that you're gay?"

"I don't know." Arthur felt as though his world was shifting on its axis and his heart pounded in his chest. "As I'm sure you're aware, my sexuality isn't normally something that I'm open about."

There was a long silence and then Merlin spoke again.

"That time... in the club. Was that a one-off?"

"No," Arthur replied honestly.

"But you date women?"

"Yes."

"Have you ever dated a man?"

"No," Arthur didn't know how to explain. "I do find women attractive... but with a man, it's different. I can't explain it."

"You don't need to explain it to me," Merlin chuckled. "I know all about what it's like with men."

Arthur snorted. "Yes, I know you do."

They fell silent and Arthur felt as though an opportunity was slipping away from him but he didn't have the courage or conviction to take it. He listened to the soft sounds of Merlin's breathing as it gradually slowed and steadied. The gentle rhythm eventually lulled Arthur into sleep too.

XOXOXOX

_Arthur is a small child, playing in a garden, absorbed by the details of tiny things. He squats to look closer. A blade of grass, poking through the slabs of the patio looks like a small green spear and a thick clump of moss is like a forest in miniature. He watches as ants go about their business, hurried and important. _

_He wants to find someone to tell about the ants, to share his simple joy in these little creatures and their secret lives. So he run towards the house but trips and falls, sharp pain in his knees makes him wail. He sits up and inspects them. Vivid red oozes, startling and frightening. He cries louder._

_Suddenly running footsteps come towards him. He tries to look up into the face of his rescuer, but the sun is bright in the sky and dazzles him. He feels gentle arms sweep him up and he's pressed tight against someone who smells sweet and warm. He knows that it's his mother. His cries subside as she holds and soothes him with gentle words and kisses, rocking him and stroking his hair. The pain and fear subside and he's filled with a sense of peace and security, stronger than anything he's ever known. But then the vision shimmers and slips away, and darkness rushes in._

A crushing sense of loss overwhelmed Arthur as he found himself back in his adult body, alone in a tiny bed. His head was full of the dream-mother, conjured by his subconscious to replace a parent he'd never known and he was overwhelmed by grief, sudden and shocking in its intensity. It constricted his chest and made him gasp for breath, the sound escaping in ragged sobs. Arthur put his fingers up to his cheeks and felt wetness. He realised that he was crying and was entirely unable to stop.

He rolled over to face the wall and clutched his pillow to his chest, trying to stifle the broken sounds that were being wrenched from him. He felt raw and empty, as though a gaping hole had opened up inside him. He was beyond embarrassment and when he felt the bed dip as Merlin climbed in behind him he just sobbed louder as Merlin's sleep-warm arms folded around him.

"Arthur... hush... it's okay. Was it a dream?"

"Yeah," Arthur managed to gasp out, before another wave of grief wracked his body.

Merlin just held him, warm and reassuring, and Arthur felt a hand slip into his hair and smooth it back, away from his face. He was filled with the need for more contact and desperate to take the comfort that Merlin was offering. So he twisted his large frame around awkwardly in the tiny bed until he could hold onto Merlin too. There was barely room for them to lie face to face, but they managed it somehow. They hugged tightly, pressing their torsos together while their legs locked together in an ungainly tangle. He felt his tears soak into Merlin's t-shirt as he buried his face into the other man's chest and clung to him as though his life depended on it.

Arthur sobs gradually subsided until he was calm, except for an occasional shuddering breath. Merlin was warm and his hands were gentle. One drew circles on Arthur's back while the other slid into his hair and slipped idly through the strands.

"Thank you," Arthur whispered.

"S'okay," Merlin's breath puffed into Arthur's hair. "D'you want to tell me about it?"

"I just dreamed about my mother. I was a child... and she was holding me," Arthur sighed. "And of course, that never happened. My mother never got to hold me." _And I was never held by her_. He doesn't need to say those words aloud – he knew that Merlin understood because he pulled Arthur impossibly closer.

"I've had dreams like that about my Dad." Merlin's breath was warm in Arthur's hair, and Arthur tightened his arms around him.

"I'm glad you're here, Merlin."

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><p><strong>AN: ****I totally couldn't resist shamelessly ripping that last line straight from canon. It seemed very apt.  
><strong>****I loved writing this part. I hope you liked reading it. I'm not sure exactly when I will update next, but hopefully it won't be more than a few days. Please leave me some love in the meantime!****


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Yay! more – thanks to Mamdi of course.**

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><p>As Arthur drifted into wakefulness his brain gradually began to make sense of his surroundings. He was warm, a little too warm in fact, but blissfully comfortable despite that. Sleep-heavy limbs tangled with his own and his head appeared to be resting on something that was moving, rising and falling in a slow and steady rhythm. He inhaled and a warm, musky scent filled his nostrils. <em>Merlin – of course<em>. The events of the night came back to him in a confused rush and he felt a flush heat his cheeks.

He shifted unconsciously and flushed even more when he felt his usual morning erection pressing against Merlin's hip. He suppressed a groan at the contact; he was rock hard and the proximity to the object of his desire made his cock twitch. He wondered whether he could manage to extract himself from Merlin without waking him. Merlin was lying on one of his arms, trapping it against the mattress. Arthur tried to pull it out gently, but at the first slight movement Merlin sighed and moved restlessly, turning towards Arthur and pulling him closer. And then – _oh, God_ – Arthur felt an answering hardness pressing against his thigh as one of Merlin's legs slid further between his own.

Merlin hummed, rocking his hips and Arthur had to bite his lip to stop himself from doing something embarrassing like whimpering. Merlin was asleep and clearly didn't know what he was doing; it was Arthur's responsibility to stop this.

"Merlin," he murmured quietly.

"Mmph," Merlin grunted and ground into him harder, his hips hitching pornographically. Arthur fought the urge to grab his arse and grind back.

"_Mer_-lin," he hissed, louder this time.

Merlin jerked in his arms and pulled away quickly. "Oh, _fuck_." His face was stricken and flushed with mortification. "Shit... I'm so sorry... I..."

"It's okay," Arthur replied gently. "You were asleep, you couldn't help it." Merlin still looked horrified, so Arthur tried to make light of it. "It actually wasn't entirely unpleasant." His lips quirked and he looked into Merlin's eyes, willing him to see that he wasn't joking. Their legs were still tangled together and Arthur pushed his hips forward, just enough to show Merlin that he was hard too.

Merlin's eyes flew open and his lips went slack. He met Arthur's intense gaze and there was a silence as they both apparently forgot to breathe. Merlin's throat bobbed as he swallowed and Arthur was lost.

"_God_, Merlin..." he gasped, his voice trailing off helplessly.

Arthur watched, entranced as Merlin's lips curved into a tentative smile. His eyes were burning with intensity as he moved slowly closer until their lips were nearly-but-not-quite touching.

"I really want to kiss you," Merlin's whisper brushed over Arthur's lips like a touch.

"I've probably got morning breath," Arthur blurted, and immediately wanted to kick himself.

Merlin drew back slightly and looked at him incredulously. "Arthur, you prat. I've wanted to kiss you ever since I first laid eyes on you. Now that I'm finally in a position where kissing appears to be on the cards, do you really think I give a fuck about morning breath?"

Suddenly they were both laughing, a glorious release of tension and nerves.

Afterwards, they were never entirely sure how the laughing turned into kissing. But somehow their lips finally found each other's and brushed, tentatively at first, but soon building into something hot and needy and messy. Merlin's lips parted under Arthur's and they both moaned at the first touch of tongue on tongue. Merlin's fingers tangled fiercely in Arthur's hair and as Arthur dragged his lips along the stubble on Merlin's jaw and licked down his neck, Merlin hitched his upper leg around Arthur's hip and rubbed his cock shamelessly against him.

They finally broke apart, panting and slightly dazed, pupils dilated and lips parted in dizzy grins.

"So, was that true?" Arthur asked. "Have you really always wanted to kiss me?"

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Arthur, have you _seen_ you? No sane person _wouldn't_ want to kiss you."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Well, at first I assumed you were straight. And then even after I knew you were gay... you're my boss, Arthur, I didn't want to fuck things up. Plus I had no idea whether you were interested in me. Were you? Or is this a recent thing?"

"No, it's been a while. But it wasn't immediate; you sort of crept up on me."

Merlin smirked. "It's my irresistible charm, you were powerless against it."

"Something like that," Arthur grinned. "I think you have secret magical powers actually, because you're not even my type."

Merlin tugged on Arthur's hair, pulling him closer again. "We're going to have to get up soon if we want any breakfast," he remarked. "And I know from bitter experience how grouchy you are on an empty stomach. So can we shut up now and do a bit more kissing first?"

"Sounds like a plan," Arthur sighed happily and parted his lips willingly for Merlin's tongue.

This time the kiss was slow and leisurely. This kiss was all about gentle discovery, where the first had been more about the need to claim and possess. They were both hard and there was still plenty of grinding but as their lips slid together in a gentle push-pull of pressure there was no sense of urgency. Just beautiful give and take and a raw sweetness that made Arthur's heart clench.

Eventually they pulled back reluctantly, lips kissed-pink and wet.

"I guess we should get up," Arthur sighed.

"Yeah, come on Lazy Daisy." Merlin grinned at him and slipped away, untangling their legs. He moved to stand beside the bed, stretching and displaying a strip of pale stomach and an impressive tent in his boxer briefs.

Arthur's eyes got rather trapped by the bulge and when he finally flicked them back up to Merlin's face he felt his cheeks heat at being caught ogling him quite so blatantly.

"If you're good, I might show it to you later." Merlin's laugh was filthy and Arthur grinned back, hopeful.

"Really?"

"Only if you show me yours though," Merlin's eyes dropped to the bulge of Arthur's erection and he licked his lips.

"I'm sure we can come to some arrangement," Arthur laughed, elated that Merlin clearly wanted more of this – whatever _this_ was.

XOXOXOX

Breakfast was a leisurely affair with assorted cereals and copious amounts of toast, washed down with orange juice and mugs of tea and coffee. Arthur sat beside Merlin again and their knees touched beneath the table. Will didn't put in an appearance while they were there and Arthur was relieved. He had felt uncomfortable enough in his presence even before he knew about his history with Merlin. Hunith and Gaius sat with them and Arthur mostly listened while the others chatted. He was fighting hard to stop himself from grinning inanely every time he remembered that he'd been kissing Merlin, which was approximately every ten seconds – or so it felt like.

After breakfast they returned to their room and packed up quickly. Arthur was suddenly shy in Merlin's presence and wanted to kiss him again but didn't know how to ask. He focused on shoving his things into his bag while Merlin brushed his teeth in the little bathroom. Once Merlin was finished Arthur went to use the bathroom while Merlin pottered about, gathering up his few possessions.

When Arthur emerged, Merlin straightened up from zipping his bag and they faced each other awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" Merlin asked. "You know, after the dream last night... and everything."

Arthur nodded, not sure what 'and everything' referred to exactly. It covered a multitude of sins. He decided to be clear. "Yes," he kept his eyes on Merlin's. "I have no regrets, and I'm going to hold you to that arrangement we made earlier."

Merlin grinned and his cheeks flushed slightly. "I should hope so."

He stepped forward and put a hand up to Arthur's jaw and kissed him softly – just a light brush of toothpaste-scented lips – chaste, but with an unspoken promise of more. Arthur felt a flutter in his belly and a thrill at the prospect.

"We'll talk in the car, yeah?" Merlin let his hand fall from Arthur's face and turned to pick up his bag. "Come on. Let's go and say goodbye to Mum."

It was late morning by the time they finally left Ealdor, after prolonged and fond farewells from Hunith. These included warm hugs for Arthur as well as Merlin, which were equally warmly reciprocated. Merlin waved at Hunith who stood on the steps outside, watching and waving back as they pulled away.

They only made one wrong turning before they joined the M4 at Newport. Merlin put the road atlas away and relaxed back in his seat as Arthur settled himself more comfortably behind the wheel.

They drove in silence for a while, and Arthur's tension gradually mounted as he kept hoping that Merlin would initiate the conversation that needed to be had. After all, he reasoned logically, Merlin had technically started all this – whatever _this_ was – with the leg humping, so it was only fair that he should bring the subject up now that they had a chance to talk.

"So," Merlin finally broke the silence. "Have you ever had a relationship with a man?"

"I've never really had a relationship with anyone," Arthur admitted. "Nothing serious at all. But I've only ever had one night stands with men before." The _before_ was deliberate. The word hung between them for a moment, heavy with implication. Then Arthur spoke again. "How about you? Has there been anyone serious?"

"Only one, really, apart from Will. I went out with a guy galled Gwaine while I was a student. We were together for a couple of years, but eventually grew apart."

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Arthur asked.

"No," Merlin replied. "I did experiment with girls a little bit, while I was messing around with Will too. But I soon realised that I didn't fancy them at all." He chuckled. "Will was far more interesting to me."

Arthur felt a totally irrational flare of jealousy at the thought of Merlin being _interested_ in Will. "So how old were you when you worked out you were gay?"

"Around fifteen I guess?" Merlin said thoughtfully.

"And did you tell people then?"

"Yeah, I told mum straight away. I knew she'd be supportive. I was lucky – living at Ealdor it was easy to be open about my sexuality. There were several gay couples in the community at the time, so there was never any stigma at all."

Arthur was silent, wondering what his father's reaction would have been if Arthur had told him at fifteen, that he was interested in boys as well as girls. Although sexual experimentation between boys at Arthur's public school was commonplace enough to almost be expected, it was generally assumed that as soon as you were old enough to get your hands on a girl instead, you put same-sex experimentation behind you. You were only expected to bother with it when it was the sole option for sexual release other than wanking. Arthur suspected that his father wouldn't have been too pleased to know that his son secretly _enjoyed_ sucking other boy's cocks.

"So, do you think of yourself as bisexual?" Merlin's voice interrupted Arthur's thoughts.

"I suppose I always have done," Arthur replied, and his heart beat faster as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. "But if I'm honest with myself, I think I'm more interested in men. I've just never wanted to admit it."

"Does anybody else know?"

"No," Arthur shook his head.

"That's quite a secret to carry around with you all this time." Merlin's voice was gentle and sympathetic and held no judgement. Arthur felt a rush of affection for the man beside him.

"Yes, I suppose it is."

They fell silent again for a while and Arthur drove mindlessly, his brain whirling with thoughts and possibilities as the BMW's powerful engine ate up the miles. As they passed one of the Swindon junctions, he glanced sideways at Merlin and chuckled quietly to himself when he saw that Merlin had fallen asleep again. His head lolled uncomfortably against the safety belt and his hands lay, palm-upwards in his lap, his fingers curling gently.

When Arthur pulled up outside Merlin's flat and cut the engine, Merlin stirred. Arthur reached over and put a hand on his knee, shaking it slightly.

"You really are a lazy bastard, Emrys." His tone was light and teasing.

Merlin opened one eye and grimaced. "I told you. Cars make me sleepy," he mumbled. "Are we home? That was quick."

"Yes, I find the journey flies by if you sleep all the way from Chippenham to London," Arthur's voice dripped with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes. Merlin grinned unrepentantly.

Their faces turned serious and they looked at each other awkwardly for a moment. Merlin made no move to get out of the car.

"So..." Arthur began, feeling suddenly nervous. "Do you want to come over to my place later? We could get a takeaway or something... my fridge is probably bare. Unless you want to go out to eat?"

Merlin smiled. "Takeaway sounds great. What time?"

"Eight?" Arthur tried to sound casual. Really he wanted to drive Merlin straight round to his flat right now, and do all sorts of rude things with him for the rest of the day. But he didn't want to look too desperate.

"Okay," Merlin nodded, and his lips parted in a half-smile.

Arthur couldn't resist. He leaned forward quickly, catching Merlin's look of surprise before his face got too close to see his expression anymore. He cupped Merlin's jaw and kissed him, briefly but firmly, his fingers catching on Merlin's stubble. He pulled back and smiled.

"See you later then."

Merlin's face split into a full grin, and he nodded before turning and reaching for the door handle to let himself out. He opened the boot to get out his bag and slammed it shut when he was done, then waved cheerfully as Arthur drove away.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading, there is just one more chapter to come, followed by a short Epilogue. They will be up soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks as always to my lovely beta, Mamdi. **

**Warnings/promises for adult content (at last) and lots of shameless fetishising of Merlin's lips and cheekbones. I can't help myself.**

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><p>"Is Indian good for you?" Arthur asked as they perused the impressive array of take-away menus that Arthur had pulled out of his kitchen drawer. "They do veggie stuff that doesn't have dairy in it."<p>

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll just have a vegetable biryani and some naan bread."

They were sitting side by side on Arthur's sofa, their shoulders and knees touching. Arthur had greeted Merlin with a brief kiss at the door but thought they should eat before they got carried away. Merlin looked as if he could blow away in a breeze as it was and Arthur didn't want to be responsible for starving him. Besides, the sexual tension was quite enjoyable. From the looks that Merlin was giving him, Arthur was fairly confident about where this evening was headed, so he was happy to wait for a little while longer.

They ordered curry and had it delivered. It arrived quite quickly and they ate at the small table in Arthur's kitchen, washing the spicy food down with cold lager.

Arthur found himself entranced by all the little details about Merlin that he had always noticed, but never felt that he could examine too closely before. The bob of his throat as he tipped his head back to drink; the long, slender fingers holding his cutlery and tearing chunks from his bread; the fullness of his lips as they parted around his fork. Arthur had to adjust himself several times during the meal. He hoped that if, or when – _dear God, he hoped it was when_ – they got round to fucking later that he wouldn't embarrass himself by coming shamefully quickly.

They cleared the plates away and when Arthur straightened up from putting the plates in the dishwasher he caught Merlin looking at his arse appreciatively.

He raised his eyebrows. "Like what you see?"

Merlin smirked and stepped forward with a hungry look in his eyes and Arthur's mouth went dry. Merlin hooked his fingers into Arthur's belt loops and pulled until their hips were flush together. Arthur felt Merlin's hard cock and he took a shaky breath as Merlin licked his lips and leaned in closer.

"Yeah, you could say that," he replied, his voice barely a whisper, his hot breath washing over Arthur's lips.

Arthur couldn't wait any longer. He grasped Merlin's face with both hands and pulled him in until their lips met. His hands slid into Merlin's thick dark hair and tested its softness as he licked his way into the heat of Merlin's mouth, making Merlin moan. One of Merlin's hands reached round to clutch Arthur's arse, the other slid up beneath his t-shirt and his fingers skated over the soft hairs on Arthur's belly, making Arthur gasp and jerk.

"Ticklish?" Merlin chuckled against his lips and flattened his hand, moving it firmly instead. It swept up over Arthur's belly and chest, and a thumb found Arthur's nipple, circling insistently.

"_Fuck_..." Arthur's knees felt weak. "Not here, come on."

He disentangled himself and pulled Merlin's hand out of his t-shirt, circling his fingers around the bony wrist. He tugged and Merlin followed wordlessly. They stumbled along the short corridor and burst through the door to Arthur's bedroom and stopped, facing each other. Arthur was still gripping Merlin's wrist and they stared at each other, chests rising and falling, their breathing ragged.

"Are you sure?" Merlin asked.

Arthur answered by taking his other wrist and drawing him in, placing Merlin's hands on his hips and leaving them there, putting his own hands back up to Merlin's face. One thumb traced the line of Merlin's cheekbone while the other pressed against his lower lip, dragging along the softness as Merlin's lips parted and his fingers tightened reflexively on Arthur's hips.

They undressed each other then, carefully, but with a sense of suppressed urgency. They hadn't bothered to put the lights on but the door was open and the light from the hallway was enough to see by. They slid their hands over each other in wonder as each new stretch of bare skin was revealed. They chuckled and steadied each other as they both tried to take their socks off along with their trousers without falling over. Finally they stood facing each other, naked apart from their underwear.

"I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours," Merlin offered with a grin.

Arthur, impatient again, dropped to his knees and reached for the waistband of Merlin's boxer briefs. "Yours first."

Merlin slipped his fingers into Arthur's hair and dipped his head to watch as Arthur slid his pants down Merlin's hips, lifting the elastic carefully over his erection. It was long and hard and perfect.

"_God, Arthur_," Merlin moaned, as Arthur licked from the base to the tip and took the head into his mouth, sucking gently as he flicked his eyes up to meet Merlin's. Arthur drew him in deeper, swirling his tongue, feeling the velvet-hardness and tasting the saltiness of Merlin's arousal. Merlin's fingers clenched in his hair, his hips twitched helplessly and his legs trembled.

Arthur pulled away and pushed Merlin's pants the rest of the way down, untangling them from Merlin's ankles so he could kick them off. Then he stood and removed his own, Merlin helping him with eager hands. As soon as they were off too, Merlin pushed Arthur back onto the bed and crawled between his thighs, gripping his cock in an eager hand as he lowered his lips to taste.

Arthur groaned at the wet-heat of Merlin's mouth, wrapping around his prick and sucking him in. He clutched at the duvet cover beneath him, twisting his fingers into it as Merlin licked and sucked with his magical mouth. His hands slid up Arthur's thighs, slowly spreading them wide until his thumbs grazed the sensitive skin behind Arthur's balls in teasing strokes. Arthur was painfully close to coming, but he brought his hands to Merlin's head and pushed him away.

"Stop... I'm too close... not yet..."

Merlin crawled up Arthur's body, straddling him, claiming his mouth in a messy kiss as he slid their cocks together with sinful thrusts of his hips. He pulled his mouth away, licking along Arthur's jaw, down to his throat, sucking and biting.

"Tell me..." Merlin's teeth scraped against Arthur's neck. "Tell me what you want... how do you want me?"

"_Fuck_," Arthur bucked again as Merlin grasped both of their cocks in a long-fingered hand and gripped tight, fucking into the curl of his fist with a powerful thrust, making his prick slide against Arthur's. "I want you inside me," he gasped. "I need you... _God, Merlin_..."

"Have you got condoms?" Merlin's voice was a hoarse whisper against Arthur's over-heated skin. "Lube?"

"In the bedside drawer," Arthur replied huskily.

He felt bereft as Merlin broke the contact, his hot skin suddenly gone from Arthur's, making him shiver at the sudden chill. Arthur gripped his own cock, pulling it slowly as Merlin scrambled across the bed, slamming the drawer open and rummaging impatiently. He returned to kneel between Arthur's splayed thighs with a handful of supplies and a self-satisfied grin.

"Okay," he popped the cap on the bottle of lube. "Let's get this show on the road."

Arthur's snort of amusement turned into a whimper as Merlin touched him again. He opened Arthur up carefully, frustratingly slowly, with slick fingers and careful strokes until Arthur was whining and begging for more.

As Merlin paused to roll on a condom Arthur thought he might die of impatience, but when Merlin pressed into him, filling him and leaning down to cover his body with hot, wet kisses it was the best thing Arthur had ever felt. Merlin's mouth finally found Arthur's lips again and the sensations of Merlin's cock in his arse and his tongue in his mouth made Arthur feel as though he was happily drowning. He clutched at Merlin with desperate fingers, pulling him closer, tighter as he tore his lips away from Merlin's to mutter incoherently. _More... harder... God, Merlin... more!_

Merlin drew back, sitting up and pulling Arthur's legs around his hips. He reached between them to fist Arthur's cock as his hips pumped faster. Their eyes locked. "Please," Merlin gasped. "I'm so close..." The dim light shining in from the hallway emphasised the fullness of his lips, the prominence of his cheekbones. Merlin looked almost too beautiful to be real. His hand tightened around Arthur's prick and his thumb swept over the head with each stroke. Arthur cried aloud as his body arched, his cock pulsing fiercely in Merlin's hand as his come splashed between them, coating Merlin's hand and Arthur's belly.

"Oh fuck. _ Yes... Arthur_..." Merlin's face contorted and Arthur felt his hips twitch as he came too, panting and moaning, his body rippling with the force of his orgasm.

As Merlin's body relaxed, he drooped over Arthur as though his head was too heavy for his body to bear the weight of it. Arthur reached for him and pulled him down, wrapping his arms around him, heedless of the sticky mess on his stomach. Merlin relaxed and buried his face in Arthur's neck, his breathing steadying as Arthur hands moved over his back in soothing strokes. Neither spoke for a while. Even when Merlin's cock began to soften and slip out of Arthur, they still remained where they were, locked in their sticky embrace.

Finally, Merlin lifted his head and kissed Arthur's lips softly. "That was amazing," his lips curved in a smile as he propped himself up over Arthur's chest.

"Yeah," Arthur was still dazed by the intensity of it.

They lay a little while longer, sweat cooling on their bodies, breathing slow and gentle now until Merlin finally broke the silence.

"I guess maybe... I should get going? Early start tomorrow, you know..." Merlin's voice trailed off uncertainly as he moved to prop himself up on his elbows.

Arthur's arms tightened around him and pulled him back down. He pressed his face into Merlin's shoulder, smelling sweat and sex and warm comfort. "I'd really like it if you stayed." His voice was rough with emotion.

"Then I'll stay," Merlin whispered against his skin. "Just don't have a go at me if I'm late for work in the morning." His chuckle tickled, and made Arthur squirm.

They showered together, using up all the hot water because they got hard again and took their time bringing each other off under the spray with slow, soapy strokes and wet kisses. Merlin borrowed Arthur's toothbrush and an old t-shirt to sleep in. By midnight they were back in bed, yawning and drowsy. Arthur lay on his side and Merlin curled up behind him, his arms wrapped around Arthur and his body pressed close.

"Is this okay?" he murmured. "I don't want to overwhelm you with the cuddling. I know you're not used to it. Can you sleep like this?"

"It's fine... nice, actually," Arthur caught Merlin's hand and held it close to his chest, playing idly with his fingers. "I don't normally do this. Sleep together, you know... afterwards. Usually I can't wait to get away."

Merlin chuckled against his back. "Well, given that this is your flat that would be a challenge... but thanks. I'm flattered."

"You should be," Arthur said. "I'm breaking all my rules for you. I always swore I'd never have a relationship with anyone from work."

There was a silence for a moment. Then Merlin said, carefully, "is that what this is then?" Arthur stiffened as he mentally backtracked and realised what he'd said, but Merlin's arms tightened around him and he continued talking before Arthur could try and make light of it. "Because I'd really like it to be. A relationship, I mean."

Arthur's heart pounded in his chest. He was terrified and elated at all once, but was he ready for a relationship with Merlin and all that that might entail?

"I'd like to try," he said in a small voice. "But you need to realise that I'm emotionally stunted, have never even poked my toe out of the closet before and am shit scared by all of this. Do you think you can deal with me and my baggage?"

"One step at a time." Merlin's voice was reassuring. "I'm not going to rush you, we can take it slow. We don't have to tell anyone about this till you're ready. I've waited two years to get this far with you, I can be patient. Let's just see how it goes."

Arthur smiled into the darkness, overcome with gratitude. "Okay," he nodded, squeezing Merlin's hand. "That sounds like a plan."

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><p><strong>AN: Oh boys! *happy sigh* **

**There is a just a short Epilogue to come now, which I will post later today.**


	9. Chapter 9  Epilogue

**Seven months later**

Arthur released Merlin's hand as they entered Uther's house, but they stayed close together as they crossed the hallway, entering the huge living room and moving through the crowded space. He felt Merlin's hand at the small of his back once or twice – a reassuring pressure as they squeezed through the throng of people.

Arthur spotted his father, chatting to the guests of honour and moved towards them with a smile on his face and Merlin at his side.

"Arthur, Buona sera!" An attractive woman in the group caught sight of Arthur and moved forward to hug him, kissing him enthusiastically on both cheeks.

"Buona sera, Elena," Arthur smiled, returning her kisses smoothly.

Arthur extracted himself eventually and moved to greet Roberto Kilgari, who was beaming next to his wife. "Good to see you again, Roberto." Arthur slapped him on the back as they embraced warmly.

He stepped back and put his hand on Merlin's shoulder and drew him forwards. "Allow me to introduce my partner, Merlin Emrys. Merlin – Roberto and Elena Kilgari."

Introducing Merlin as his partner still gave Arthur a secret thrill. He wondered whether he would ever get used to the idea that this beautiful man beside him belonged to him. He grinned with pride as Merlin greeted the Kilgaris easily, charming them with his smile and easy manner.

His father welcomed them with a nod and a smile, and Arthur was filled with gratitude for his acceptance of Merlin as a permanent fixture in Arthur's life.

It hadn't been easy when Arthur first decided to break the news of their relationship to his father. Uther had been disbelieving and dismissive initially, trying to write it off as a phase. He had resented Merlin, viewing him as a catalyst in what he saw as his son's sudden conversion to homosexuality. But eventually he had realised that Arthur was serious, and began to see that his son's relationship with Merlin was making him happy in a way that he had never been before. Slowly but surely Uther had come around, even apologising eventually for his initial reactions.

Coming out to others had been a piece of cake in comparison. Some people in the office were shocked, others were amused, many didn't even seem surprised. But the majority were accepting and supportive.

Hunith was over the moon when Merlin told her that he and Arthur were together. And when they had gone back to visit Ealdor at Christmas, she'd welcomed them both with open arms, telling them once again how happy she was for them.

As the evening progressed, Arthur circulated, chatting politely, making small-talk. But he was constantly aware of Merlin, whether he was close by or on the opposite side of the room. Arthur felt anchored to him in some indefinable way and every time he caught Merlin's eye he had to suppress a huge smile of happiness that threatened to paint its way across his face.

At the end of the evening they left together, as they always did now. Merlin had given up the lease on his flat and moved in with Arthur two months ago.

They weren't exactly compatible in their habits. Merlin was prone to leaving a trail of mess behind him, whereas Arthur was tidy to the point of being obsessive. Merlin was a night owl and a grumpy arse in the morning; Arthur preferred early nights, but was up with the lark – usually out jogging and back, showered and breakfasted before Merlin had even emerged from under the duvet. They bickered over the TV remote and mocked each other's taste in music; Merlin's eclectic, Arthur's rather dull (according to Merlin anyway). But Arthur had never been happier. Any rows they had were usually resolved in bed with spectacular fucking and lengthy cuddling afterwards. And for the first time in his life Arthur knew beyond doubt, that somebody loved him – loved him deeply and passionately – just for being exactly the person that he was.

It was raining outside in the London street. They walked to the corner and stood, waiting for an empty taxi to hail. Arthur turned to Merlin who grinned at him, his hair curling wet on his forehead and dripping into his eyes.

"Come here, you." Arthur pulled Merlin close and wrapped his arms around him, sheltering him as much as he could from the weather.

Merlin's cool wet lips parted against his own and their warm breath mingled. They kissed, long and deep, leaning into each other's touch as the rain fell around them and droplets trickled down the backs of their necks. Several taxis sailed by as they clung to each other, oblivious. There was no rush to get home. In Merlin's arms, Arthur felt as though he was already there.

**THE END**

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><p><strong>AN: Please leave me some feedback, I hope you enjoyed the story.  
>If you liked it, check out my other fics. I write for Harry Potter and Twilight as well as Merlin.<strong>


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